Dr Hale's phone buzzed. His receptionist chirped, "Mr West on line 1. Not happy."
"Thank you, Lexi." Dr Hale sighed deeply and watched the phone light blink. Breakfast here in Sydney was lunchtime in LA; not an odd hour to get a call. Perhaps it would be a pleasant conversation.
He picked up the receiver. "Good afternoon, Mr West."
"Don't 'good afternoon' me, 'mate'! We got a situation here!"
"Of course. What seems to be the trouble?"
"These bears are going crazy! The training won't stick! I got the best trainer in town, and he just ran off screaming! Literally! I got video!"
Dr Hale looked at the photo on the wall, of the institute's ribbon-cutting ceremony, where he and Mr West held the scissors for the cameras. "Well, they are technically bred from koalas, sir. Koalas have comparatively underdeveloped brains. Training may not be a possibility"
"When the hell were you planning on telling us that? We can't have that! They're starting to hiss at the kids! And mama don't wanna touch them since they grew too big to fit in her bag! Besides, these ain't regular koalas, these are tiger koalas! We got some tiger stripes on them bears, we gotta have some tiger brains in there too, right? Help me, Doctor!"
"Well, let's start with telling me about their current health. How are they doing? How big are they?"
"Let's see..." Mr West clicked his tongue as he began to calculate. "Da Vinci's the biggest; she's about 25 pounds, big as the corgi. Pollack's almost as big, but Da Vinci's the eater. and Jocko's catching up to them - oh, and he's packing extra heat"
"That's a bifurcated penis; most marsupials are equipped with double genitalia. Are they active?" This issue was a greater concern beyond Mr West's pets. STDs were the threat that had first put koalas on the endangered species list - and provided Dr Hale with a cause celebre for his research to adopt.
The final piece of good fortune was Mrs West, who wanted to add to her alliterative menagerie. On a tour of Australia (attempting to circumvent the embargo on marsupial export), she and Mr West learned about the institute. Contributing to the public efforts to reverse extinction was admirable; the private opportunity to own a custom-designed, one-of-a-kind pet was irresistible. Within five years, his facility had resurrected twelve formerly-extinct species. Quietly, they had also created something new.
"Not that I've seen, Doc." (He was calling Dr Hale "Doc." That was a good sign.)
"We should watch out for that, Mr West. They're getting to the age, and it may affect their mood. But the surliness, the disagreeableness... that's very koala of them. They just need space, from each other and visitors. I wouldn't expect them to play catch - not on the first try. Your trainer - what kind of animal training was he qualified for? Big cat training?"
"I don't know; she took care of that."
"You need someone that's worked with big cats; if there's any tiger brains in there, the right trainer can help develop that. A trainer's a good idea; we just gotta a qualified one. I'll be on your side of the pond in three weeks; I can find someone to recommend before then."
Mr West audibly composed himself. "Look, the kids still love 'em. Kim still thinks they're adorable, and they're scaring her mom away, so I'm happy. They're awesome cute, but the first time they bite one of mine is the last. I'm gonna make me a coat - come to think of it, that might be nice... And then you'll need to make some more. Maybe pygmy this time"
"Wellllllll.. we have accomplished some truly amazing stuff so far."
"Damn right, we've done impossible stuff. Future is now! Okay, we got a plan. When you come to town, you got a place to stay, aight?"
"Sounds good, Mr West."
inspired by Discover Magazine article, "Resurrecting an Extinct Frog"
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