(In the hallway of the Parkway Howard Johnson, a couple wanders away from the grand ballroom. She leads, tugging at her paramour, her eyes darting about, in search of a secluded spot. He is dragged along, dazed.
She pulls him around a corner, besides a painted pastoral scene. She wraps her arms around him, ready to make woo. She notices the lack of passion in his kiss..)
"What's wrong, baby?"
"I'm sorry. It's been weird today."
"Baby, I'm sorry. I know it's a lot of family to meet all at once. But don't worry about it. My family loves you! I'm so glad you came with for my grandparents' anniversary-"
"-yeah, but-"
"-it's a lot to ask a new boyfriend to do, and I want you to know how grateful I am.-"
"I know, I know! But your mom was looking at me kinda weird..."
"She just met you yet, she's just checking out the guy I've been talking about. Looking out for me, y'know? But if she'd had a problem, she's the kind of woman that'd say so, y'naw i'mean? She's gonna love you-"
"So she's never seen any pictures of me?"
"Ah... No, no; you're always taking pictures of me- oh, I just realized! We don't really have any pictures together! Don't worry, baby, we'll fix that-"
"-wait, what about your cousin?
"What? What cousin? I got 50 cousins in there! What?"
"C'mon, you gotta know. Your cousin, the one with my haircut!"
"What? Are we a model now? There's somebody wearing my outfit here, we gotta go home?"
"Aw, it ain't like that! But we're all wearing suits here, and he's got the hair like mine-"
"Aw, you wear it better, baby-"
"-and he does the teeth thing!"
"Whaaa? What teeth thing?"
"You know! I got sticky teeth, I gotta wipe them with my tongue or my lips kinda cling on them; you know! You called me on it, so you know! Well, he does that!"
"...What?"
"What, you don't see it? How often you see this guy?"
"Never, he's from Hudson! Are you trying to break up with me?"
"I'm just trying to figure this out! You know you got your mom's eyebrows?"
"Yeah, dammit!"
"So does half the room in there! And me!"
"Everybody's got eyebrows!"
"Not like these! Don't you think it's wrong to date somebody that looks so much like you?"
"Would you be saying this kind of stuff if I was Asian, or black?"
"Now, you're just being racist!"
"One of us is!"
"All I'm saying is, he and I are the same height, we wear the same size clothes, we have the same haircut on the same shape head, we have very, very similar facial expression responses..."
"So? He could be your cousin."
"He IS your cousin! You're dating me, and it's like you're dating your cousin!"
"You're not the same, okay! For one, for one- he's fatter. Okay? You can see it, if you guys stood next to each other in a mirror, you'd see it. He;s got a bigger double chin... and he's glisteny! He's got an oily face, which you'd see if you weren't so freaking self-absorbed! Geez, thanks for messing with the mood! I thought you liked me..."
(Around the corner, her date wanders in: he's got his hair, his suit, his posture, and he's carrying two drinks. He's oblivious.)
"Hey, baby; I've been looking all over you. Your mom told me to bring you some punch, it's the family recipe. What's going on?"
inspired by Discover Magazine article, "Skull Suggests One Hominid Lineage"
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