DAY 16: Pitch Meeting for "Asteroids: The Movie"

Hollywood office, Feb 16th 2013:

"I can't believe we're trying to make an Asteroids movie..."

"Bob, it's a no-brainer!  Did you see YouTube yesterday, all them shots of that asteroid over Russia?  It was like the sun's twin brother just showed up!  That thing blew up with the power of 30 Hiroshimas, blowing out windows, knocking down buildings - from 15 miles up!  You know what would've happened if that thing had landed?"

"Yeah, because I've seen Deep Impact!  I've seen Armageddon!  It's been done, and done, and done!  Roland Emmerich walked away from this, and nobody else messes with this stuff..."

"There is one guy who will do this justice, and you know exactly who I'm talking about!"

"Whaaaa?"

"He's gonna do it, because it's the only one he hasn't done yet.  He's done westerns, war, kung-fu, and street - but he hasn't done his disaster movie yet.  He needs a Poseiden Adventure to complete his set.  His Towering Inferno, his Airport 75.  He loves saving genres everybody else has written off.  And who's making disaster movies these days?  Basic cable television!  He will know how to do it right, and he will consider it his sacred duty to see it done."

"I just don't see it happening, Harv..."

"Aw, c'mon!  He's perfect!  We get our director, we got our writer!  He's not gonna make Star Wars; it ain't gonna be a million CG shots and explosions drowning out his precious dialogue!  He's gonna get his buddies together for a barbecue, and come Monday, we got a cast!  And I got a couple of casting ideas of my own that he just can't pass up.  You know who I saw this weekend at Sonoma, of all places?  William Devane - why haven't they worked together yet?  That's catnip right there!
"And then - hear me out - I sign Christian Slater-"

"Aw geez, Harv..."

"C'mon- Heathers? Name of the Rose?  True Romance!  If there is any gas in that tank, our boy will find it!"

"-and if there's not?"

"Oh, this is the genius part.  I. will get. Jack. Nicholson. Out of retirement.  I'm not kidding, I know it'll be expensive, I'm know I'm moving mountains, but it's gotta happen!  Just to have a scene where Slater's up in Jack's face, going, "How can you do this to me?  I'm your flesh and blood!" and Jack waving a fat finger in his face, screaming, 'You ain't my flesh and blood!  You ain't nothing like me!'  That's money well spent! I will pay to see that happen!!"

"What's Jack gonna do?  He's not going to leave retirement to repeat himself, and he's already played the President and an astronaut."

"He can play whatever he wants, Bob!  Maybe he can be the asteroid!"

"I thought that was you, Harv..."


inspired by Discover Magazine article "Chelyabinsk Meteor Equaled Nearly 30 Hiroshima Bombs"