Nikita was wolfing down popcorn, and burning a stare into the webcam of her laptop. On the monitor for her to see, Ricky was wolfing down popcorn, burning a stare to match. Their eating was synchronized, yet frenetic. When one would take a swig of water, the other would follow suit. Each dish, box, and drink was a race to the bottom, and each victory was swallowed in a moment by the next race.
On the sidelines, Nikita's cousin Eddy watched and tried to hold his sense of dread at bay. Eager for her to be his ex-roommate, he had agreed to be their referee. He had three duties with the job: deliver judgement calls on disputed finishes, offer encouragement to Nikita, and fetch items from the kitchen for consumption. On Ricky's end, his buddy "Juice" was handling the assists.
Nikita finished her bag first, and tore it in victory, roaring. Ricky was behind by a handful, and smashed the empty bag against his head like a soda can; he roared back.
He shouted "Cereal!"
"Cereal!" Nikita shouted back, then at Eddy. "Cereal!" Eddy hustled to the kitchen, grabbing the first two boxes in his reach. He tossed one to Nikita; she caught it and brandished it at the webcam. "Cereal!" she shouted!
"Cereal!" Ricky shouted, holding up a box of puffy corn. The contestants tore into their next challenge.
It had started as a morning webchat, to plan out the moving day itinerary. Eddy had already rented the truck, and easily visualized all of Nikita's belongings fitting with room to spare. Ricky, however, needed to 're-arrange' the apartment (Eddy imagined it could be done with a bundle of garbage bags.) "I'm working on the kitchen right now," he joked, raising a glass and nibbling on a piece of 'un-toast', as he called it. Nikita found her own piece of bread, and joined in. They began echoing each other, chewing and swallowing, coughing and face-stretching.
"Eddy, look at us! Aren't we fabulous?" Nikita called out, as she pantomimed touching up her eye makeup.
"Yes, we are, girl!" Ricky replied, teasing at his own eyebrows. "Okay, back to breakfast!"
"Not toast," she said, scanning at the breakfast table. "You got bananas?"
A banana appeared in the monitor. "You know I do!" From the back of the room, Juice added a muffled "That's right!"
The roommates-to-be ate their bananas as extravagantly as the other. "The more we eat, the less of this food we gotta pack!" Ricky said. Eddy heard this, but decided not to interrupt the moment with logic; better to keep this energy for the move.
..and so they ate, until it got competitive and amped up. Anything that didn't need microwaving or time in an oven was fair game. From bread and fruit, they went on to cookies and crackers; chips and popcorn led to cereal, then leftovers and pickles, canned pasta and condiments. No vomiting had occurred yet, but a great percentage of the food missed the mark on the way to insertion, and the occasional gagging from one amused the other.
Ricky was downing the last of the applesauce, when Nikita let a final bite of cold tortilla drop out of her mouth to say, "okay, I think that's it." Ricky stared coldly at Nikita, then craned his neck to eye his kitchen. "Don't do it, Ricky, don't...."
Ricky left the screen; Nikki could only catch her breath and watch. After a moment, he returned to her scree, bearing a unopened pack of ramen noodles.
"Don't do it!" Nikita said, as he opened the bag and exposed the uncooked noodles. "Don't do it, don't..." The sound of his teeth biting down on the ramen block, was like the sound of breaking bone. Nikita squealed and turned away.
Roused from his disinterest, Eddy poked his head into Ricky's view. "Hey! WTF?"
Ricky dropped the ramen block; playtime was over. Eddy closed the laptop, then sat next to Nikita.
Through sniffling tears, Nikita said, "I'm so glad you're my roommate, Eddy."
inspired by Discover Magazine article, "US Takes Top Energy Spot"
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